Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize