I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
