I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
