Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
