there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
