I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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