Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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