Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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