I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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