My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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