U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
