Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
