I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
