some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize