Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
