these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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