Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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