the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
