She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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