dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
