I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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