god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
