Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
