my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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