the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
