Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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