I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
