Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
