best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's always time for handjobs
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
