I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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