His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
