one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
