I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
