Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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