great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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