First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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