Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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