I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
