Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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