so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
