and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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