Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
