I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
