I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize