You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
