i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
