oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
