I just gift wrapped bread.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
