I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
