I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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