I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
