Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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