My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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