i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
