I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
