you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize