one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
