It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
