here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
