Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
