Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
