im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
