your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
