please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
