EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
