all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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