I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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