Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
