I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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