Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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