somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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