She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
